Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things: An Unusual Book of Euphemisms

By Linda Berdoll

At a loss for phrases, hockey puck? you could continually quote Shakespeare...

Or delve into this interesting compendium of insults and verbal abuse, all couched in language of the main uplifting nature. jam-packed with universal and not-so-common zingers that might either surprise you and make you snicker your @$$! off.


  • Exactly the way to deal with person mounds of foul, undigested lumps of donkey entrails
  • That "F"-ing notice and different intensives
  • Many, some ways to consult the half that is going over the fence last
  • More euphemisms, synonyms, words and outlines than you knew existed for sexual actions, proclivities, untoward incidents, injuries of nature and the beast with backs
  • Addressing the mentally incompetent, the cerebrally challenged, the absurdly bureaucratic, the impossibly rational and different situations of ineptitude, obfuscation or obstruction and lots more and plenty more!

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One taco wanting a mixture plate. a couple of feathers wanting an entire duck. a number of beers shy of a six-pack. a number of peas in need of a casserole. Or: either oars aren’t within the water. basically 50 playing cards within the deck. wishes for a few pence within the shilling. Cheese slid off one’s cracker. All one’s canines aren’t barking. One’s elevator doesn’t cross the entire method to the pinnacle. lighting are on yet nobody is at domestic. No seeds within the pumpkin. Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in a single field. The wheel’s spinning, however the hamster’s lifeless. Her stitching machine’s out of thread. His antenna doesn’t decide up the entire channels. His belt doesn’t struggle through all of the loops. lacking a number of buttons at the handheld remote control. one hundred forty i ns an e, bathroom toilet manhattan , azed , cr No grain within the silo. Receiver is off the hook. All foam, no root beer. bonkers, cracked , cucko o, w A Stranger to cause If totally nuts, one is twiddling with the squirrels, has walnut garage disorder, or is a number of nuts wanting an entire pouch. within the pinball video game of lifestyles, if one’s flippers are a bit additional aside than such a lot, one is dicked within the nob, blinky (milk approximately to sour), off one’s napper, has a slate unfastened, is damp within the attic, one’s slinky is in a kink, one’s skylight leaks, or one’s drawers are left open. in fact, if one is filthy rich something queer one says or does is in simple terms eccentric. 141 VCautionv Even a idiot might be correct sometimes. ’N What? Ñ Or ഼ Ode to Dan relatively Lower’n the lease on a burning development Jumpier’n virgin at a jail rodeo Emptier’n a eunuch’s underpants Colder’n a good digger’s ass Stiffer’n a preacher’s prick at a marriage Tighter’n the bark on a tree Smoother’n snot on a doorknob Happier’n a coon on an ear of corn Awkward’n a cow on skates Lower’n a snake’s abdominal Slicker’n owl shit Clumsier’n a pig on ice Smaller’n a bar of cleaning soap after a troublesome day’s wash Colder’n a copper bathroom seat within the Klondike Deafer’n an adder Fuller’n a tick Hotter’n a clean fucked fox in a wooded area hearth 142 d em en t ed, dera nged, pec ulia r ,e , aky tic, fl r ra uit fr Happier’n a guy who spent the day checking out his concubine assortment Sicker’n a pizzened domestic dog Finer’n bee’s wings Noisier’n skeletons fucking on a tin roof Uselesser’n pantyhose on a pig Panickier’n a pig in a packing plant Jittery’n than a long-tailed cat in a room jam-packed with rockers Grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ cactus Happier’n a child in barrel of knockers Busier’n a dildo in a harem Icier’n the shady part of a banker’s center Madder’n a rainy rooster Slowr’n a rainy week Happier’n clams in excessive water Happier’n a dog with peters ष 143 The writer recognizes the Dover guides Pictorial Archive sequence, and the satirical images of Cruikshank, Gillray, Hogarth, and Rowlandson.

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